I Just Wanna Let It Go
by CeliaLauna
Summary: They're staring at me.All of them.I know they're talking about me.I get some dirty glances.For reasons that aren't reasonable.But you can’t live your whole life a lie, right?If you love someone,then you long to shout it on the streets?Right?Chyan,songfic.


**A/N:****Hi everyone! So, I finally translated one of my stories into English. Finally, I know. Normally, there shouldn't be, but if you find some faults in the text, please let me know.  
This is a one-shot, a songfic to the song 'Let It Go' by Brit & Alex, that's on the soundtrack of Step Up 2. Also, it's Chyan. It's all Chad's POV. So, if you can't stand slash, you better stop reading already. Don't say I didn't warn you!  
Now, please read, and leave a review! I can get something out of every comment, either good or bad.**

**Enjoy reading!  
X~X~X Celia ~~**

**Summary:****They're looking at me. All of them. They're staring. You know they're talking about you, and sometimes, you can hear your name. You get some dirty glances. For reasons that aren't reasonable. Yet, you can't live your whole life a lie? If you love someone, truly love him, then you long to shout it on the streets? Right?**

**Disclaimer:****Al characters belong to Disney, and the song belongs to Brit & Alex, that's on the soundtrack of Step Up 2.**

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**I Just Wanna ****Let It Go.**

_Step, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
_

They're looking at me. All of them. They're staring. Suddenly, it's also quiet. Too quiet. It's something I should be used to in the meantime: once I'm on the court and I've got a basketball in my hands, there's no way they can hold me. And at a free shot, you can hear a pin drop. And that doesn't distract me at all. But now, as I'm walking into the school with Ryan by my side, they're staring. And not for a reason they should be staring.

_  
__I was on the outside (lookin' in)__  
__Wondering where do I (go from here)__  
__I wanna show the world my (harmless doubt)__  
__I won't hold back__  
__I'm comin' out_

It's a terrifying feeling. You know they're talking about you, and sometimes, you can hear your name. You get some dirty glances. For reasons that aren't reasonable. Now, at this very moment, I'd love to shrink so small that I'd fit into Ryan's pocket. Somewhere safe, with someone who loves you and will protect you.  
But if I'd do that, I would be back at the start, at the place I just wanted to get away from. Because, I'm tired of playing hide and seek. Now, I can finally say that I'm out of the closet. And that feels better than being somewhere safe, where you're imprisoned in a web of lies you've created on your own. That means that my only choice is to walk into the school with my head lifted high.

_Because tonight I'm so inspired__  
__I feel the beat it takes me higher_

_To break free is my desire__  
__This is the new me_

A week ago, I've told Troy about my relationship with Ryan. I don't know what made me do that. One moment we were playing basketball, and before I knew it, I've told him everything. He was shocked, it was all very sudden for him, but he was fine with it, and he said he's happy for me. A big relief.

Apparently, my parents already knew it when I decided to tell them a few days later. They also had no trouble with it, and they wanted to meet Ryan as soon as possible.

And, as far I know, Taylor is suspecting something. I still feel guilty about breaking up with her without giving a reason. But there was just no chemistry, everybody could tell that. We're still friends, but I'm not sure if she still wants to be now.

But, if even Sharpay doesn't glare at you anymore when you're cuddling with her brother in the couch, would you still want to do everything secretly?

_  
__I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go, let, let it go__  
__Gonna lose your mind__  
__Just let it go, let it go_

_  
__I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__ l__et, let it go__  
__Let, let it go_

I should have known it. That everybody was going to gossip about me, just when I'm in front of them. That they would be staring and pointing. I only have myself to blame. But yet, you can't live your whole life a lie? If you love someone, truly love him, then you long to shout it on the streets? Right? At least, that's what I long to do.

But know, when I'm walking into the school, next to the boy I love so much, I feel betrayed by my own school. By people I've known almost my entire life. Did I fool myself by thinking they would accept it? And that Ryan, who has never been in the closet, was always accepted, or was that just an illusion?

_  
__I took a bite of freedom (it tastes so sweet)__  
__Now that I know (my body's being released)__  
__I can't go back to who I was before__  
__I'm walking through this open door_

But I keep walking. Like I don't notice. Like I don't know that I'm the centre of attention. I just keep walking, to the class where I'm supposed to be, as always. Through the corridor, around the corner, through another corridor, to the classroom of Ms. Darbus.

On our way, Ryan takes my hand in his and squeezes it. Softly, encouraging. I squeeze back, hard, out of fear. I know I'm probably hurting him by doing that, but he doesn't say anything about it. I'm scared, really scared. But, since the first second I outed myself, I feel better. It's like something falls of your shoulders. Even thought I don't know how people are going to react.

The moment we enter the classroom, everybody looks up. No one says something. Troy smiles encouraging, and so does Gabriella. Taylor looks at me with a piercing glare, like she's testing me. I cast down my eyes, and look back up carefully, what makes her smile. Very weak, but it's a real smile. When I look at Jason, he looks away, and Martha reacts the same way.

I swallow and muster up all my courage before I walk to my place and sit down. Behind Troy, next to Ryan. Safe enough, but not hiding. Running away isn't even an option anymore. The news has gone through the whole school. Everybody knows it.

_  
__Because tonight I'm so inspired__  
__I feel the beat it takes me higher (higher)__  
__To break free is my desire__  
__This is the new me__  
_

Nobody says something. No one. Not a single word. Several pupils look at me when they're walking into the classroom, and also during the lesson are they're staring at me. I can feel their eyes in burning in my back. But I don't move, and keep looking at the inscriptions that are carved in the table.

The moment the lesson starts, it is just as quiet. Even Ms. Darbus doesn't dare to ask what's wrong. Most probably, she already knows. She keeps on talking the entire lesson. It is necessary for her to indicate people when they're suppose to answer, because no one dares to say something. The answers and the voice of Ms. Darbus are the only things that you can hear. And a phone that starts ringing in the middle of class, but Ms. Darbus doesn't even start yelling about that, like usual.

_I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let,let it go__  
__Gonna lose your mind__  
__Just let it go, let it go_

The moment the class is over, I get up. The school bell breaks the silence that is still hanging in the classroom. But the moment I'm out of the class, followed by Troy, the whispering starts all over again. It keeps repeating itself for the entire morning. Nobody dares to talk to me. Even Troy and Ryan stay silent. But I've got their support. There are no words necessary to feel that.

_  
__I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let, let it go_

As soon as it's noon, I don't know what to do. I'm standing at the entrance of the cafeteria, and everybody is sitting at their usual places. The cliques who were always there, with some others. My table is exactly the same as always: Troy, Zeke, Jason, Martha, Taylor, Gabriella, Kelsi, Sharpay and Ryan. I don't move. Not until the moment Troy notices that I'm standing petrified. He beckons me in, what makes the rest of the table turn. All eyes are locked on me. Literally. __

_I know that__  
__I can't let__  
__All the fear inside take over me__  
__Gotta take control of what's in front of me__  
_

I take a deep breath before I walk towards the table. A short moment, I consider running out of here, to go eat alone outside, but at the same time I realise that this scene will repeat itself a lot the next days. I'll have to get used to it.

Maybe I'll lose all my friends. That's one of my biggest fears. The one from every adolescent who's gay, I guess. That they won't accept you. But what can you change about it? You'll just have to face it.

So I walk to the table and sit down on my usual place, the last one that was empty. Between Troy and Jason. I don't trust it completely, but what can I do about it?

Everybody is still looking at me. Staring. My best friends are staring. At me. For a reason which I'm sure of they don't mind. They've already accepted Ryan. So why wouldn't they accept me?

That's why it is the first time I say something that day. "What?"

_  
__1,2 can't nobody hold me__  
__3,4 drop it to the floor__  
__5,6 make your body twist__  
__Let it go like this__  
__Let it go like this_

Now I feel like I just entered hell. I get the whole tirade over me. Not the normal you-are-gay tirade, but the you-are-a-jock-and-you-chare-a-dressing-room-with-other-guys-and-you-are-gay tirade. Jason is the worst. Martha is joining him pretty good. Even from the other tables I receive disapproving comments and insults. They're coming from everywhere. I don't even know where to listen first. It comes from so many people. I don't want to hear it anymore. I can't hear it anymore.

I stand up and start running. At least, they can't say I haven't tried. The last thing I see is how Troy starts yelling at Jason. And Sharpay is yelling too, what most probably will frighten the most people.

As soon as I'm outside, I keep running. Until I'm at the end of the field. When I sit against the balustrade, I'm almost in tears. I'm always friendly to everyone, I try to be good to everybody. And now, there are so many that are turning themselves against me. That isn't fair, is it?

I see that Ryan is running towards me. His hat falls of, but he keeps running. The moment he's with me, he bends through his knees and throws his arms around me. I hold him close to me, not planning to let him ever go. At this very moment, I need him the most.

"Calm down," he whispers. "Everything will be alright."

I hope so.

_I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let,let it go__  
__You can lose your mind__  
__Just let it go, let it go_

We stay a few moments sitting like that. I start crying, soundless, but the tears are rolling over my cheeks. A few moments later, Troy runs our way. When I see his nose is bleeding, I want to say something about it, but he gestures that I've got to stay silent. He takes a seat next to me and he takes my hand in his. He squeezes it, and I understand that it's a gesture to make clear that he won't let me go. And, I hope that there are more people who won't let me down.

_  
__I just wanna let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__I'm about to let it go, let it go, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
__Let, let it go__  
_

I can't stay here, not doing anything. I know that. I get up and try to walk. Ryan jumps immediately on his feet, and so does Troy. I walk towards the exit of the school. I want to get out of here. No one would say something about it, anyway.

But, I go with my head high. Insulted, humiliated, with friends and enemies. With people who will support me, and with betrayers. I've got them all. And again, they're staring at me. But this time, I don't care at all. I know who I am. I know what I can expect, now. And I'll live with it. Just as long that I've got people who care about my by my side, I can do it. Now I know who will support me and who not.

And it's not that I am running away. Because this story isn't finished yet. It is only this chapter that's ending. In glory, proud that I was able to do this. So, I'm walking, full of confidence this time, with my head lifted high, through the doors of the school.

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__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap__  
__Sssstep, clap__  
__Step, step, clap_


End file.
